I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
