Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
