Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
