I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
