Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you made out with another girl for some wings
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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