Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
