How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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