Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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