Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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