she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
