What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
