Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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