i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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