i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize