I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
