My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
