ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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