Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
