After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
