He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
