if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
