He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
