sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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