My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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