Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
