My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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