I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize