respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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