Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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