This girl is more easily done than said...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
