I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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