he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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