i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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