i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
