So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
