Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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