when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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