she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
