walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
