we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
