No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
