I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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