I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
