I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
