I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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