the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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