I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize