Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
