I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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