Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
