wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
