I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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