The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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