We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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