That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
