remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
