yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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