i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
