you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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