You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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