and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
