just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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