he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it was like eating out sand paper
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
