He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
how drunk are you?
Several
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
