im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
