she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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