problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
