i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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