Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
