a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
