My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
