No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
